How Can You Use Education And Laughter Against Ignorance?

There was an article that made it's way around Facebook a few months ago. A friend of ours had shared it with my husband, Joel and it went viral! So many people could relate to the hilarious questions people ask. When people find out my husband is East Indian, they tend to ask him a lot of questions. Most of the time, the questions are simply... ridiculous. My favorite question people have asked me about my husband is, "Does he speak Indian?"I truly hope I have at least taught most of you at least a few things about Indian culture. At least enough to know that no one speaks Indian, rather one of the hundreds of dialects found in India. Joel speaks Telugu.  I used to ignore people's mistake and answer their question, pretending they said the right thing. Now, I just laugh. It would be like me walking into a room of people and asking someone if they spoke American. We've seen the same things with our kids. People are already asking us hilarious questions about our mixed kids. It's funny to think about the questions our boys will have to answer through out their lives. Some of them will be funny like this and others will be insulting. I want my husband and I to raise our kids to respond well, regardless of what people do or say. We can't control what people do, but we can control our response. 

[tweetthis twitter_handles="@almstindianwife" display_mode="box"]"Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter." -Laurence J. Peter[/tweetthis]

I love this quote because it really hits the point head on. It's easy for people to let anger take over when faced with prejudice or ignorance, but it won't change anything. Anger only fuels more anger. Instead, we need to teach our children how to respond. They can either teach people or laugh. 

 

If someone ignorantly says something that offends you, take a minute and teach them something. They probably didn't realize that they said was offensive. Bring laughter to the situation and make a joke!

 

[tweetthis twitter_handles="@almstindianwife" display_mode="box"]Keeping your calm in the face of ignorance creates an opportunity for change.[/tweetthis]

 

How Can Evite Help Make Thanksgiving Easier?

Are you hosting Thanksgiving this year? Is this your first time hosting or has your place always been the place to be for Thanksgiving? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then Evite is here to help you! I’ve partnered up with them this month to show off some of their gorgeous new holiday designs. Their designs are easy to use and perfect for invitations and thank you notes! This post is sponsored by Evite. 

Holidays In Our Blended Family

Starting a family means you are embarking on a life full of new adventures and traditions together. My husband and I have been able to show each other our childhood family traditions. He has shown me Indian traditions and customs he grew up with. They were all new for me and I jumped on the chance to learn. Since his family moved to the US shortly before he was born, he had a unique opportunity to discover new American traditions with his family. Thanksgiving was a new holiday for them and they started to create new memories and traditions together, including his mom’s famous lemon pepper turkey!

While I didn’t have any new customs to share with my husband, I was able to share some of our holiday traditions with him. My family loves fall because it means we get to celebrate one of our favorite holidays, Thanksgiving! I don’t have one memory growing up of my family apart on Thanksgiving. We have always come together, made way too much food, and spent the day laughing.

  

Our First Time Hosting Thanksgiving 

I couldn’t wait to spend Thanksgiving together with my husband. After we were married, we had spent most of our Thanksgiving’s with his side of the family. One year we decided to throw a special Thanksgiving dinner of our own. We stayed home and invited all of our friends. We deemed it our “Friend’s Thanksgiving.” 

 

Hosting an event as big as Thanksgiving can be quite intimidating. We decided to make the turkey and a few other dishes. Our friends each chose a side or two and prepared them at home. My husband and I looked up turkey recipes all week. We were excited and terrified to make our first one. 

 

We woke up early in the morning to get the house ready and have enough time to prep the turkey. We debated over who had to clean out the turkey, rubbed it down with delicious spices, and then tried to figure out what to tie the legs with. We didn't realize that was part of the turkey making process and used the only thing we had...yarn. I took pictures of every step to show off our beautiful turkey. Unless we botched it, then we’d destroy all evidence of the turkey fiasco. 

 

Our friends started to arrive and the smell of our delicious turkey filled the house. It was a success! All of our hard work and fussing over the turkey paid off and we couldn’t wait to dig in. Our friend’s thanksgiving is one of our favorite memories. It was a chance for all of us to do something new and start a new tradition together. I love that we were able to come together and make it happen. 

 

Hosting your first big holiday is scary, thrilling, and exciting. I love that we were able to do it with all of our friends.

How Can Evite Help You This Thanksgiving?

 

Evite is here to make it a little easier for you. All you need to do is sign up for an account. Then you can design your own invitation or thank you card. The best part is there are so many beautiful designs to choose from and it’s easy!

 

They’re even giving all of you a FREE GIFT! All of you, my lovely readers, get 15 free “Thank You Cards!” All you need to do is go here and use the code BMTHANKYOU15

 

Make sure you take a peak at Evite's new designs.

 

What did you think of Evite's new designs? Let us know on twitter. 

 

[tweetthis display_mode="button_link"]@evite @almstindianwife[/tweetthis]

 

 

“This post is part of a sponsored campaign on behalf of the South Asian Bloggers Network for Evite and I have received compensation for this post. All opinions are my own.”

Family Fridays #12 Apple Crisp

Kylee is joining us today for our 12th family Fridays! She is the voice behind Byky, a brilliant lifestyle blog documenting her and her husband's life. Be sure to check out her blog!

I lived in the best neighborhood growing up. Our neighborhood had so many families that all had kids around my age. We would have all types of get-togethers through the year from Memorial Day cookouts to Super bowl parties. My family always held the neighborhood New Year’s Eve party. The party was always pot-luck style so everyone would bring a dish of their choosing. Though there were many amazingly delicious dishes at this party there was one that was definitely a crowd favorite – Apple Crisp. Apple crisp, always brought by Sandy Rowe, became a staple of the party and of the neighborhood.It has come to the point where all the kids in the neighborhood are almost in the 20s or older now and some are getting married. I, myself, just got married a few months ago. At my shower, which all the neighborhood families attended, I began opening my gift from the Rowe family. There were multiple parts to this gift but I quickly realized what I was opening. The Rowe family gave my fiancé and I all the tools to make the Apple crisp – the apple corer and peeler, the pampered chef stone, Macintosh apples, yellow cake mix, sugar, brown sugar, and of course the written recipe. I was thrilled – and so was my fiancé Brandon. Ever since he attended his first Kolesar New Year’s Eve party and had a bite of Mrs. Rowe’s famous apple crisp he was hooked. I thought this was such an amazing gift because Apple Crisp is so much more to me than a warm yummy dessert. For me, the preparation reminds of prepping for the annual New Year’s Eve party, the warm melt in your mouth taste reminds me of the neighborhood bonfires we would have in the fall, and the way it disappears so quickly once it’s served reminds of the competitive games we’d play in the cul-de-sac. Apple crisp reminds me of how lucky I am to be able to call all of my neighbors, my extended family.Apple crisp is one of my favorite family recipes. I’ll never forget the first time I tried it or the first time I made it on my own. I’d like to share this recipe with all of you today! Hopefully, you all will enjoy it as much as I do.Ingredients6 Mactinosh Apples – peeled + cored + sliced½ cup sugar1 heeping tsp cinnamon1 Jiffy cake mix (yellow or white)1 stick of butterDirections:Place sliced apples in a deep dish baker. Combine sugar and cinnamon and sprinkle over the apples. Pour dry cake mix over the cinnamon and sugar. Melt butter and pour over the top.Bake at 350 for 35 minutes.

Hear more from Kylee by following her on twitter. 

If you would like to take part in the Family Friday's Series, here is some more information. 

Culture Clash Wednesdays #9 The Stigma Of Adoption

I'll never forget that moment in my life. It changed everything for me. I knew I would feel complete after it happened. I had wanted it for so long. I had spend countless nights crying in my bed, hoping one day it might happen.Finally, the day had arrived... and I was going to be adopted by my dad. I was going to sign the papers and everyone would know he was my dad. I wouldn't have to dread Father's Day anymore, I could actually look forward to it. I finally had someone to call daddy.Adoption has always held an extremely important place in my heart. My mom raised my brother and I alone until she met my father. Everything fell into place when he came into our lives. I even started calling him dad right away. It was a word I had always wanted to use and never had a chance to. I have always been proud to tell people my father adopted me. As I've grown up with this reality in my life, I've realized not everyone sees it as something special. Each culture sees it differently. Some know the love it offers and others see it as something shameful. I recently read an article in The New York Times about a Korean couple. This couple had adopted a baby into their family. They knew their family would never approve so instead of telling them the truth, they told their parents the father had an affair. An affair was more acceptable than adoption... I read this article multiple times because I couldn't believe it. This couple longed to have a child of their own. This should have been a blissful moment. Instead, they were worried about what to tell their families. I've heard similar stories from families around the world. Some of them have kept the truth from their child to save them from pain and other keep the secret in fear of what others might think.If you raise a child without telling them the truth, they will think it's something to be ashamed of.[tweetthis display_mode="box"]We have to stop the stigma surrounding adoption and remember adoption means one more child is loved for. #aiwtribe[/tweetthis]One more child isn't alone.One more child has a parent. 

How were you raised to think of adoption?

Culture Clash Wednesday #8 Taste Buds

Last week, I offered three more entries into my Ultimate Spice Giveaway by taking a survey (only a few more days to enter!). This survey helps me see what all of you have enjoyed on my blog and what you want to see more of. There was a HUGE consensus.... You all love culture clash Wednesdays!! I'm so glad you are all enjoying because it has been such a fun series!This week were talking about taste buds. I think many of you will be able to relate to this one.. Food is one of the biggest passions in our house. This could be because we have an almost Indian family or because it's full of boys. I've always heard the way to a boys heart is through his stomach and I can tell you it's the same for Indians! We're always experimenting and trying new dishes! However, a problem always comes up... Can you guess what it is?? My husband and I can never agree if it's too spicy or too bland! Usually, I will love a dish and he says it's a little bland and needs more heat. On the other hand, he will have a dish and love it. All while I'm sweating bullets because it's so freaking spicy! Now, our kids are joining in on the fight. Liam thinks pepper is too spicy and Levi can handle his spicy food. This is probably why my husband loves visiting his family. It's typically a weekend full of spicy Indian food. My first few years in the family, I would get teased because I'd always have a glass of milk with dinner! I'd get the biggest glass possible because I knew how ridiculously spicy everything was going to be! It's been six years now and I never pour a glass of milk with dinner. Is this because I'm almost Indian and can handle my Indian food or is it because my pride kicked in and I won't ever let them know how badly my mouth is on fire? The world will never know... For the most part, we all love spicy food. It's just the level of heat we don't agree on. We've learned a few tricks over the years to make sure we're all in love with dinner. We've all trained our taste buds to handle some heat. We serve dinner and all sit down at the dinner table. If you look at our table, we will always have multiple kinds of hot sauce. We have hot sauce for every type of food we make too! We have hot pickled vegetables for Indian food, Cholula for Mexican food, and Sriracha for Asian food. This way we can all add the right amount of spice and I don't die from it!

Do you experience this in your house? Are you the one that likes heat?

What Do I Do If My Loved Ones Family Hates Me?

In a perfect world, your relationships would be supported by everyone around you. They would only see the love you have for your loved one and nothing else would matter. Instead people get held up on race, family background, and just about anything that makes you imperfect in their eyes. So, what do you do? What do you do if your relationship isn't supported by the people you love. What if your own family doesn't support your relationship? Do you let their opinions prevent you from being with the person you love? What if that choice means you or your loved one will get disowned from your family? 

Make your choice together. 

You need to sit down with your loved one and make the decision. Being in an intercultural relationship comes with it's challenges. These challenges are different for each family, but none of those challenges can compare to the love you have for one another. However, an un-supporting family can be destructive in a relationship.You both need decide if it's worth it. If it is then grab each other by the hand and face life together. You have to stand together otherwise the challenges can tear your relationship apart. You need to support each other.All you can do is trust that they will see the love you have for each other and grow to accept it. At the end of the day it's their choice to accept your relationship or not. It won't be you that changes their mind. They have to choose to be open to your intercultural relationship. You can't let their unwillingness prevent you from loving each other. Family is extremely important and I'm not saying throw your family away. What I am saying is that you can't choose how people respond. All you can do is be willing to fight for your family to accept your relationship. 

Take it one day at a time.

Sometimes the challenges that can come with an intercultural relationship are overwhelming. You can get lost in it and lose sight of what's important. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Remember you love each other and that love is what's made everything worth it. Take your relationship with your family or your new family day by day. Just be yourself. Take every smile they give you, every nice comment, or any attention they pay to you as a success. It's one more positive experience with them that you can put under your belt. Try to let go of the negative experiences with them. They aren't worth remembering or wasting your time on. Instead try to build on the positive moments. 

You're enough. 

The biggest thing you need to focus on is that you are enough for each other. You're in this relationship because you are more than enough for one another. Don't let your in laws or your family's feelings about your relationship make you think you aren't enough. Often times, the problem isn't you. It's the idea of someone or something they didn't expect. They either expected someone within their race, religion, or similar family backgrounds. They don't know how to react to something different so they turn it into anger towards you. Don't let this drag you down.You are enough. Your relationship is worth any challenges that may come up because you love each other. Hold onto that love and let it change people. 

Have you experienced similar struggles? What advice can you share with us?

Family Fridays #5 Okra Omelette

It's that time of the week again. Everyone is finishing up their last few things before the weekend can begin! Today, we're celebrating the weekend with a delicious new recipe!!Glee is the editor and founder of HappySis.com, a quarterly women´s magazine written by Christian women. She wrote the Happy Sister Devotional: 61 Days of Happiness and Inspiration to help women find happiness in having a close relationship with God. Visit her site to download your free copy.

I don´t exactly know the name of this Filipino dish but I call it “Okra Omelet”. I learned it from a Home Economics class in second year high school when I went to an exclusive Christian boarding school for only a year.It´s a Seventh Day Adventist Academy in the Philippines, and yes, I´m an SDA. If you´re familiar with the SDA schools, they´re usually located away from cities, on top of mountains or hills, with lots of trees.I remember one quiet afternoon in 1996; we sophomore students were engrossed with our cooking group activity at the cafeteria, a small building located at the far back of the campus, almost isolated from the rest of the school buildings and facing a rich, virgin forest. It was on that afternoon when I was introduced to this quick but delicious dish which would later become one of my (future) husband´s favorite dishes.It´s really quick and easy to do, and yummy too! I bet kids would also love it.We don´t have an abundant supply of Okra here in Germany, so we have to purposely drive to a Turkey store and stock up on okra if it happens to be available. If we have enough Okra, we definitely make this dish, although lately I´m also learning to make the yummy “Okra Curry, Indian Style”.Ingredients:½ kilo Okra4 eggsHalf union1 big tomato (or 6 tiny tomatoes)Some cooking oilDirections:Chop the onion and tomato into small pieces. Beat the eggs (seasoned with salt, garlic + pepper powder) in a bowl.Boil the ladies fingers (okra) until half cooked. Then put the half-cooked ladies fingers (okra) on a flat plate. Season them with salt, and then flatten them using a fork.Mix the chopped onions, tomatoes, the beaten eggs, and the flattened okra in a big bowl.Heat a pan over medium heat. Fry the mixed eggs and okra on a flat pan until brown. Flip the okra to fry the other side.Serve with a small bowl of hot rice.Cooking isn´t my passion but since I got married, my cooking skills has improved a lot and I´m learning to love it. It´s one of the ways I express my love to my husband. I´ve learned and discovered many recipes and I´m open for more learning. There´s nothing like a tender “thank you” kiss from hubby after we said our grace, and before we enjoy a delicious meal.I mostly cook Filipino dishes, which, thankfully, my Filipino husband who grew up in Germany love. But when he´s not busy at work, he comes home after five, gives me a hug and a kiss, and tells me to relax for he´s taking over the kitchen. He´s a real great cook and he loves making his own recipes. He likes cooking German foods.But the Okra Omelet is a great dish to try. So if you´re ready to have something new, visit an Asian store, look for some Okra, and let me know how it goes. Enjoy.

Our Week In Pictures #3

If you follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook you already knew my family and I recently took a road trip to California. We used to live there and have friends and family in the area. Joel had to go for work and the boys and I decided to tag along. We decided to drive there, thinking a road trip could be fun….

 

At one point, I sat there listening to the symphony of screaming children in the backseat, contemplating why in the world I thought a road trip with three kids under four was a good idea. 

 

Then it finally got quiet. Joel and I were scared to move, just in case it broke the trance our kids were in. They were glued to the movie that was playing, while strapped into their carseats, unable to reach each other to fight. I quickly started to see the benefits of a family road trip. The strapped in, buckled up, nowhere to go, can’t get into anything part of it, of course. 

 

When we finally got there, thirteen hours later… we had a great time! We were able to spend time with my family and see some of our friends. 

 

Family Fridays

In starting this blog, I had the intention of finding like minded people. I wanted to share what I've learned in my marriage and parenting biracial children. I've been surprised by what I found. I didn't just find a few people that wanted to hear my story. Instead I found a huge community of people in similar positions, a little family. I love talking to people in intercultural relationships! My definition of an intercultural relationship even changed. I thought it was two people from two completely different cultures coming together. I realized it doesn't necessarily mean two different countries. We've all been raised in different cultures and starting a relationship means blending the two. This blog is about family. It's about sharing experiences and a little something that can help you in your own life. I love being able to share my family with all of you. Now, it's your turn. I'm starting a new project called, Family Fridays. It's an opportunity for all of you to share your family with us. What better way than over a good meal!? Family Fridays will be a chance for you to showcase a family recipe and share a bit about your family. If you're interested in taking part in Family Fridays, email me at almostindianwife(at)gmail(dot)com. Let me know a little about you and what recipe you'd like to share. Then I will email you back details. Check out our first guest post here!  

Our Life Is About To Change Again

Our life has never been boring, that's for sure. The last five and a half years have been full of so many changes. We've lived in two different states, had three little boys, purchased a home, made amazing friends, and made countless memories. Our life is about to change again. We're...... no we're not pregnant again. We're... moving!We've been thinking and praying about this for the last six months and now it's happening. We debated back and forth between Houston and Chicago. My husband has family in both places and both are great options for us. We recently decided on Chicago, the land of the best deep dish pizza! My husband is a "little" pizza obsessed. The main reason we're moving is because we want to be closer to a big airport. My husband travels for work and we need to be right by an airport so his trips will be shorter and we need to be a bit closer to the actual conferences. What can I say, we love Joel and want him home more! If any of you have been around us the last year, you will understand how much he's been gone. We're ready for more family time!We will be moving at the end of June. This means we're selling just about everything, moving our family to a different state, and settling in to our new home. Which just so happens to be my mother and father in law's home. My father in law will be living with us as well. My kids are beyond thrilled about this! They love their Thatha and can't wait to live with him. He goes to India a few times a year and my husband better not be surprised if I stow away in his luggage and he finds me in India as well! This doesn't just affect me either. It affects you! How you say? My father in law is an amazing cook and I will be learning everything I can from him! All of his recipes will end up here! You will love him just as much as we do. I'm also excited about living in a much larger Indian community there. I can't wait for my kids to experience more of their culture. We've always been physically closer to my side of the family; an Almost Indian Family living in American culture. Now we will be an Almost Indian Family living in a predominately Indian culture. I'll share everything I learn with all of you. This is such a big time for our family and I can't wait to see where God takes us in this next year. Check out my husband's blog to hear his point of view on our big move. 

How To Survive A Traveling Husband Or Busy Week

When I tell people what my husband does for a living, they look at me and my kids and give me a big hug! They’re always asking how I manage.They wonder how I’m still alive with three kids under four and a traveling husband. Well, it’s a little crazy around our house while he’s away. 

 

If we were a traditional Indian family, one of Joel’s relatives would have moved in with us to help. Indian families are extremely close and they always step in when they see a need. I’ve been very blessed to have a great family as well. Every time I’ve had a baby, our family members fly or drive to see us and help. I don’t think I could have made it past the first few days without them. 

 

The first few days of a new baby are full of sleep depravation, spit up, dirty diapers, crying, and the zombie walk. You know what I mean by the zombie walk. You can hardly function because you've only had a few hours of sleep, but you have to get up and take care of the baby so you walk around in a daze all day. My husband has always been a HUGE help at night. He pretty much does everything at night so all I have to do is nurse the first few months. 

 

Now that Lucas is a few months old, I’m getting more sleep and we’ve fallen into a routine while he’s away. If your husband travels or has busy work weeks, these are a few things that can help you and your family. 

 

Freezer Meals.

 

I spend a few days, before my husband leaves, making a handful of freezer meals. I usually make breakfast burritos, chicken or veggie burritos, pasta sauce with meat, naan, keema, and muffins. You can spend a day making everything and freezing it or you can make extra throughout the week and freeze your left overs.

 

Schedule.

 

This has been a new development. I’ve never liked schedules, but I’ve started to use them more and more with my kids. I have a family schedule we loosely stick to during the day. It helps the kids and I to know what to expect and also helps us be productive. Even if “productive” means we merely get dressed that day. It also helps me to have a purpose each day so we don’t fall into the daze while my husband is away. I also make sure to schedule in quiet time every day. My youngest two nap and my oldest will either nap or read books. Either way, I get time to myself each day.

 

Alone Time.

 

This is one I’m working on. I always get alone time while my kids nap, but I often find myself napping as well! A friend of mine gets a babysitter the same day each week. If her husband is home, they go on a date. If he’s gone, she goes out with friends or alone. It’s well worth the cost of a babysitter. We love our kids, but we also need time for ourselves. It helps us to stay sane and love them a little more.

 

What do you do to help your family or yourself on those crazy weeks? 

Family Essentials: 6 Things We Can't Live Without

Every single night, we go through the same dilemma. We get our kids ready for bed. Which is pretty much an hour of chasing the boys, getting their pajamas on them, Levi stripping naked, getting his pajamas back on him, convincing Levi to let me brush his teeth, keeping Liam away from water so he doesn’t wet the bed, finding Levi has made a disaster in the kitchen, and finding the elusive puggy (paci, binky, or whatever you call it).

 

When we move, we’re going to find dozens of them around the house. We have purchased COUNTLESS puggies, but it doesn’t matter. They always go missing. The funny thing is that Levi always finds them when we take one away from him. I swear he stashes them around the house. However, when we need one at night, none of us can find one.

 

I was thinking about it today and realized there are a few things our family can’t go without. They all make our life a little better.  

 

1. The ergo.

 

This thing has saved us so many times. We have tried a handful of carriers over the years, but this is my favorite. All of your child’s weight is in your hips, not your shoulders. You can wear it for hours and it’s comfortable. The best part is that it’s good for children from birth until three years old; although, I think it's best from about 3 months on. It's a little too loose when they're itsy-bitsys. 

 

2. The baby.

 

This is Toothless and he is Liam’s favorite toy in the world. We can’t go anywhere without him. He’s also our third Toothless, not that Liam knows of course. We have lost him time and time again. This little guy is ten dollars at Target. They have the characters to different kid’s movies and our kids love them. I love the price too because you know we will end up needing a fourth Toothless. 

 

3. The boots.

 

Independence is vital in a house with three kids under four. I love it when my kids can do little tasks on their own. I’m still waiting on the independent seat belt buckling. That day will be glorious! For now, my favorite is the fact my older two kids can put their own shoes on. We have about six pairs of rubber boots. I don’t care what the weather is like. The answer is always easy to slip on rain boots. 

 

4. The coffee.

 

This is an obvious choice. Coffee consumption is the only way to stay sane with three boys. 

 

5. The books.

 

Our house is full books. We’re all readers. I love that this has been passed on to our children. They could sit in our living room with their piles of books for hours. It’s so great for their imagination! My youngest Liam has even started to learn how to read!! It's so much fun!

 

6. The puggy.

 

We have probably spent a few hundred dollars on these bad boys. Our first child hated them. I think he associated them with bed time and refused. However, our second kiddo is OBSESSED. In fact, I constantly find him with two in his mouth at a time. We had our third kiddo and Levi, our second, forced one on him. Now, he’s obsessed. 

 

What are the essentials in your house?? Post a picture and tag me and use the #almostindianwife. 

An Imperfect Marriage: Should We Put Our Spouse First?

This man. We’ve been together for almost six years. Looking back over the last six years amazes me. I can’t believe we have fit so much into such a small time. We’ve moved around and lived in two different states, had three beautiful sons, purchased a home, and are about to sell it so we can get something that fits our growing family better.

 

We’ve learned so much about each other and life. 

 

Marriage is hard work. We’ve told each other sorry hundreds of times, said I love you thousands of times, hurt each other, and made each other extremely happy. I don’t regret any of our hard times. Those hard times got us to the place we are now. My husband is my best friend. He’s taught me so much and loved me unconditionally. 

 

I recently realized something I should have known the day I said, I do. It probably would have saved us many hardships. My husband cannot be everything for me. He has to be second. God has to be first. 

 

My husband and I are two imperfect people with imperfect pasts. We’re sinners. We have sinned countless times and there are consequences to those sins. We can’t expect each other to fulfill every single thing we need. The only one that can do that is God. He is perfection. He won’t ever fail us, leave us, betray us, hurt us, or disappoint us. 

 

If we hold onto this truth, we can have grace for our spouse. We will stop expecting them to be perfect and we can fully depend on God. 

 

I want my children to see my marriage and learn something from it. Don’t we all want that? Don’t we all want to teach our children something valuable; something that can save them from hardships? 

 

Here are a few things I want to teach my children from my marriage. 

 

God has to be first.

 

It’s so easy to expect the impossible from our spouse. We want them to be perfect and never fail us. It’s not possible. Expecting this will only lead to problems in your marriage. It also takes away our reason to depend on Christ. If our spouse was perfect, we wouldn’t need a perfect God. 

 

Apologize.

 

You and your spouse will hurt each other. It’s inevitable because we’re all sinners. When it happens, you need to apologize. It’s never easy. My husband and I have had so many fights where we wait on the other to apologize first. My pride has gotten in the way so many times and my husband was often first. Or we would go to bed angry and forget about it by the next day. It seemed like a great idea. We’d wake up and our anger would have passed. However, we never ended up dealing with the things that caused us to fight. Apologize frequently, every time, and humbly. 

 

Fight openly.

 

Fighting brings out the worst in you. Being the incredibly “perfect” person I am, I tend to yell or say ridiculous things when I fight. Often times, people try to keep their fights to themselves. You will be mid fight, someone will come over, and you will act like everything is fine. Now, I’m not saying every fight is meant to happen in public. What I am saying is don’t put on a show for people. If someone is coming over and you’re mid fight, say I love you and agree to discuss it later. We also fight in front of our family and children sometimes. This holds us accountable to what we are saying and teaches us how to communicate. Not to mention, a few little boys to remind us when we’re being mean to each other. Liam has told Joel and I to be kind to each other many times. It always stops us dead in our tracks, prompts us to apologize to each other and Liam, and realize we’re constantly teaching our children with our actions. 

 

Marriage is tough work and such a blessing from God. As I’m learning to trust God fully, I’ve found myself falling more in love with my husband. 

 

What is the best advice you have received for your relationship? Share it with us in the comment section. 

Sunny Days and Muffins

These delicious muffins are a new staple in our house. I found them on a blog forever ago. Ever since, the boys and I make them and change out the filling each time. They are just a basic muffin recipe and it’s on your shoulders to be creative and turn them into something tasty. 

 

This time we made a cinnamon sugar batch and a dried cranberry batch. They came out of the oven and my boys eyed the cranberry muffins suspiciously. They wouldn’t touch them until I told Liam they had craisins in them. Then Liam got excited which made Levi realize they were on a big brother approved list. 

As you can see, I turned my back for one minute and Levi the naughty already stole a bite. 

I love how close my boys are getting. Levi looks up to Liam so much. He wants to be just like him. I', constantly trying to convince Liam of this. Liam’s always getting frustrated with his little brother for bugging him. 

 

My husband told Liam that Levi is his tammudu, pronounced thum-or-dew. He told him that he always has to take care of his tammudu because he's little and needs a great big brother to look up to. The look of pride on Liam’s face was priceless. 

 

My husband and I are going to remind our kids, daily that they are important to each other. They will always get on each other’s nerves, but they’re always going to be brothers and they need to take care of each other. 

 

In Indian culture, it is the older brother’s responsibility to take care of their younger sibling. I love knowing all my boys will take care of each other. 

What is your favorite memory with your sibling(s)?

Sunny Days and Play Dough

Warm, sunny days in the Pacific Northwest are beautiful. My husband, boys, and I could spend the entire day outside, exploring. My husband and I watch the kids pick up sticks and turn them into swords while Liam sings the theme song to Jake and the Neverland Pirates. This week was one of those great weeks. Just about every day has been amazing. Today, we played outside for most of the day. Then we came inside, every door and window open, and made some play dough. The kids were ecstatic. They were so excited to help mommy make something fun. There are so many recipes for play dough on the internet. Some are super easy and work out well and others are a waste of time. Out of all the recipes I've found, this has been the one we use time and time again. Another great thing about this is that everything is safe to eat. My little, troublemaking Levi always tries to sneak some. Using this recipe is great because I never worry. Ingredients:1 cup water1 cup flour2 tbs cream of tartar 1/2 cup salt2 tbs of oilfood coloringDirections:Mix all of your ingredients in a saucepan and cook on low. Continue stirring until all of your ingredients start to pull together and form a ball. Let it cool and then have fun!If you store it in a ziplock bag or airtight container, it will keep for about 4-6 months. **You can use any type of oil. The only thing you can't substitute would be the cream of tartar. It is the reason it keeps for so long.**

What Do We Do About Bullying?

As an adult, you start to take pride in what sets you apart. You want to stand out and be different, one of a kind. 

 

As a child, you want to blend in. You do everything you can to avoid being different. You want to be just like your friends. 

 

Growing up, I had one thing that set me apart from most of my friends, my freckles. As you can see, I don’t just have a few. They’re everywhere. During the summer, they multiply like bunnies and take over. I would even try staying in the shade to avoid the inevitable. 

 

Now, I love my freckles. They make me unique. I even prayed my little Indian babies would be born with beautiful freckles. I’m still praying for them to come every summer. 

 

If only our children could bypass the shame and go straight to being proud of their differences. 

 

I was talking to one of my husband’s cousins recently. She was talking to me about school and shared something with me. She told me she would never bring Indian food to school for lunch. I thought she was kidding, but the look on her face said there was a story behind this declaration. 

 

She told me she brought a curry dish to school one day. Her mom is constantly making Indian food, so it would be like you bringing leftover spaghetti. As soon as she opened the tupperware, her friends noses went straight up. They instantly started making fun of the “gross Indian smell.” They ganged up on her asking how she could like something that gross. 

 

My heart broke for her. She brought one of her favorite meals to school. She wanted to show it off and share it with her friends. Instead, she was mocked and ridiculed. Now, she has declared to never repeat the situation again. 

 

How can kids be so mean? It makes me want to hide my children away forever in a little house in the middle of nowhere. I guess I can’t really do that. Instead, I’m going to do everything I can to teach my children to be proud of who they are. 

 

If they can remember to celebrate their differences, they won’t be so caught up in covering them up from everyone. I want them to remember that God has made us all different.

Often times, society tries to tell us we’re all the same. Buy the same clothes, do your hair the same way, get it cut the same way, say the same things, but we can’t ever be exactly the same. We need to challenge our society and remind children their differences make up who they are.   

Do you have a similar story? What makes you unique? Were you always proud of it?

 

 

Our Life In Pictures

Our life is always crazy and full of silly moments. Here are a few pictures of our week.

Why Are You Sorry I Have Three Kids?

If you're a kid person at all, you love babies. They're so cute! You can cuddle them, make silly sounds to them, and everything they do is adorable.When I had my first son, Liam, everyone was so encouraging! I'd walk into grocery stores and would be stopped down every aisle. They all wanted to look at the little boy with "all that hair!" They started gushing when I said he was my first. We got pregnant with Levi and most people were still thrilled. They said I was crazy to have them so close, but were still positive overall. My little Lucas, baby number three was a different story. Instead of being positive and encouraging, I got a much different response. "Wow. Are all these kids yours?""Three boys? I'm sorry."

I have heard these two statements so many times in the last month. At first I laughed. Now, it bugs me. Why are you sorry I have three boys? I'm not. 

 

I love my children. 

 

Is it always loud in my house? Yes. 

 

Do my boys have constant energy? Yes. 

 

Do they sword fight from the moment they wake up until the second the go to bed? Yes. 

 

Do they always need a bath? Yes. 

 

Do my kids require a no farting at the dinner table rule? Yes. 

 

Are they messy? Yes. 

 

Will they ever understand what an inside voice is? Probably not. 

 

Am I outnumbered by boys? Yes. 

 

Are they as sweet as can be? Yes. 

 

Does my oldest play with my hair to be sweet? Yes. 

 

Do my boys love each other deeply? Yes. 

 

Are they best friends? Most of the time, yes. 

 

Are my husband and I proud to raise all three of these boys to be strong men? Yes. 

 

Having three little boys is loud, messy, chaotic, exhausting, and a blast. I love it. I'm not sorry at all. 

What do you say when you get comments like this?

Speaking Telugu and a Bit of Nostalgia

My husband Joel learned Telugu as his first language. He lived in India for a few years when he was little and moved back when he was only about four. He started school and quickly learned a sad truth. Kids can be terrible. He was asked a question and answered saying, “kukka,” which means dog. The classroom immediately erupted into laughter. All of the kids started to make fun of him.

 

Poor little Joel stopped speaking Telugu. Even though he was fluent, he slowly started to lose the language. He speaks it now, but he compares his ability to that of a child’s.

 

Joel rarely gets opportunities to be around people that are fluent in Telugu. When he is, he loves speaking with them! It’s a moment of nostalgia and he feels like he’s back home. Vacations with Joel’s family is full of Telugu jokes and Joel’s hyena laugh!

 

This leads me to our first clash of cultures. 

 

I met Joel’s family, while we were dating, over Thanksgiving. I was a nervous wreck! I wanted them to like me and wanted to give a great first impression. Which of course meant I over thought EVERYTHING. 

 

Joel and his family would start speaking in Telugu mid conversation. So, of course I was convinced they were talking about me. I kept my paranoid thoughts to myself for our first few visits. Then I finally brought it up to Joel. He laughed, which by the way is the wrong response when your crazy wife if being crazy! He said that they were merely saying Telugu jokes to each other most of the time. 

 

Oh. 

 

We then decided what to do in the future when people spoke Telugu around me. Joel said he would start interpreting for me. I also said I wanted to learn Telugu. To be very honest with you, this can still be a source of contention for us. I get mad because he isn’t interpreting enough and I also haven’t spent as much time as I should learning. It’s a process. 

 

Yet again, this is why you need grace and communication. I have to be willing to talk with Joel rather than internalize which always leads to me blowing up. We also need to have grace for each other when we fall short.

 

It’s always easier to blame others instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. I can’t blame Joel for me not feeling like a part of those conversations. First of all, I’m not Indian which means Telugu is brand new for me. I can say hey I don’t know it so it’s your responsibility to make up for that or I can make the commitment to learn. 

 

I never want Joel to stop speaking in Telugu because I don’t understand. I want to take part in those conversations! I also want my kids to speak Telugu and understand which means Telugu has to be a part of our home. 

Marriage Advice

This year, I sat around the Christmas tree with my growing family and looked back on the last five years. Joel and I have had three children, moved hundreds of miles away from a place we once called home, got a new job, made new friends, had our ups and downs, and we’ve learned so much together. 

 

Relationships are hard work and completely worth it. Intercultural relationships brings about their own little challenges. Most of the time you have no idea what you’re doing.  I’ve learned so much and love being able to share two rich cultures with my children.

 

I love being able to share what I have learned in the last five years with all of you! I’ve received many emails asking for advice in different areas of intercultural relationships. The biggest piece of advice I’ve given is to give grace and keep an open mind. 

 

You and your partner have grown up in two different families. You may have grown up in similar families or completely different. Either way your families are still different and you both have different expectations on how things should go.

 

You need to have grace for yourself and your partner. Joel and I have learned so many things by completely messing it up. We’ve said the wrong things, hurt each others feelings, and done things wrong. Afterwards you have a choice on how to respond. We could have said hey you don’t deserve my forgiveness and you better figure out how to make this better. Instead we gave each other grace; forgave and loved each other regardless of what they deserved based on their actions.

 

There’s no rule book on how to have an intercultural relationship. Sometimes you have to figure it out as you go which means you won’t always make the right choices. 

 

You also need to keep an open mind. You both have family traditions that have value to you. They can be as simple as when to open Christmas presents, using canning jars as drinking glasses, or raising children. Regardless of the tradition, you need to be open to trying new things. That doesn’t mean letting go of your traditions, but it does mean remembering the value of your partners. Joel and I have both made silly comments about a tradition and hurt feelings. 

 

When Joel and I got married we decided to start our own family. This means blending cultures, traditions, and our lives. The only way for this to happen is to give each other a lot of grace and to keep an open mind. 

What is your biggest piece of marriage advice?